Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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