I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
