Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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