Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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