Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
