if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
