She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
