im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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