We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
