it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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