Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
