She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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