I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize