when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
