my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Come share oat with me in your robe
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
