this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize