I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
