Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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