Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
