If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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