Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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