Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
