I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
