I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
