so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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