Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
