I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
