Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
