That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
