I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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