"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
