dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
