rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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