my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
