am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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