I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
