you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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