Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Randomize
