just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
