Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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