I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
