i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
