do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
