idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
