but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
