I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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