my mouth tastes like poor choices
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
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I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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