did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
ugly people sure do ruin things
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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