he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
