Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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