I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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