Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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