I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Just pee around me
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
the raccoons are back...
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize