Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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