a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize