By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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