It's Friday. Sex?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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