Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
