am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
